What Ted Lasso taught me
I can be a pretty judgmental person. In the past, I’ve mostly doubled down on it. With the rise of moral relativism and sayings like “You do you”, “Live your best life”, “Different strokes for different folks”, and on and on, my response has been that it’s actually okay to be a little judgmental. Indeed, we are all judgmental, whether we admit it or not. That I'm not on Instagram is a judgment I've made about how we ought to spend our time. That I didn't do drugs at the party last night is based on a judgment I made a long time ago about drugs.
I still believe the inclination to be judgmental is a natural and necessary part of having moral convictions. But Ted Lasso got me thinking... I recently rewatched the scene where he’s in the pub playing darts against Rupert. I'm sure you remember it.
You know, Rupert, guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, "Be curious, not judgmental." I like that. So I get back in my car and I'm driving to work, and all of a sudden it hits me. All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out. So they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me... who I was had nothing to do with it. 'Cause if they were curious, they would've asked questions. You know? Like, "Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?" To which I would've answered, "Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father, from age 10 until I was 16 when he passed away.
Ted isn’t suggesting we abandon our moral views; he’s simply saying be more curious. Take an interest in why someone disagrees with you before criticizing them or declaring your superiority. Treat your neighbor with a little more dignity. Ask questions before imposing judgment. And always leave a little sliver of space in your mind for the possibility that you might be wrong.
Be curious, not judgmental.